`I’m not sure why this is exactly, but I haven’t been singing. Since the show in June with Deirdre at the Gardenia I’ve probably sung 5 times. Total. Maybe 6? But proably not even six. Once in a workshop environment, hoping to spur feelings to start singing again, and three or four times at home singing along with karaoke tracks on YouTube. Again with hopes of relighting the desire. Twice since the June show I’ve gone to open piano/mics, but both times I just listened to others and the passsion to get up and contribute remained elusive.
Show in June, clips: https://youtu.be/yP7tw6eJLYY
It could be the June show burnt me out. For the record: We had a solid house. We got a great review.
Link to post about review: https://tomkiesche.wordpress.com/2016/06/07/review-of-50s-broadway-show/
It could be that I’m creatively busy these days writing. It could be the little sensation in my ears that feels like there’s fluid in there is just uncomfortable enough not to want to sing. Could be that the ol’ “What’s the point?” has come back up with a vengence. Possibly it’s that I don’t see any financial potential in it other than an outpouring of my own funds. Maybe it’s because I don’t have the same longing to leave the house at night to sing in small bars and dank theaters. Could it be a fear crept in that I’m completely unaware of? It might be that I felt let down by the “result,” or by technical issues beyond my control. Could be I somewhere lost some of my artistic voice… Or got distracted in collaboration… Forgot what I enjoy… Maybe I’m done… Sung out… Or maybe I just don’t haven’t found a need to express anything in any particular song… It could be a combination of all these things, or something I haven’t even considered. Maybe it’s that so many people make such a big deal out of seeing me in a commercial that requires very little effort, and so few appreciate all the time, finances and effort that goes into projects that are more personally important to me.
TRUST ME, I truly love from people that they’re excited to see me in commercials, I just wish more people would be as excited when I publish books (which can take years), or shoot short films and videos (which can take weeks), or sing in public (which is constant training, researching, developing and learning).
I’m writing this as yet another step. Maybe this post will offer insight. To myself or others. I’m hoping that five seconds after posting the feelings switch. Let me state publicly that if someone were to offer me a role that required singing, or if I was hired to sing… I’d sing without hesitation. And it’s looking more and more like I’ll be singing at least one song in that Hollywood Premiere Party show I’m doing in October, though we start rehearsals this coming week, and I’m sure the show will evolve until we open.
Link to HPP: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/hollywood-premiere-party-tickets-26772723938
I have asked several friends who perform regularly, and it seems that many go through periods of non-singing, or not wanting to perform again after shows. Nobody could really tell me when or why they started singing again, but eventually just about all of them did. I’m pretty sure I will… I’m pretty sure this has happened in the past… It’s just right now… singing doesn’t seem or feel important.
Last night I watched a few videos from past live performances, and besides picking on my own physique in a few of them… I was moved emotionally a few times. That’s probably a good sign that expression through singing is important to me on a deeper level. I know I have to continue to try figure out and fix the inner ear issue which has been in and out for months upon months now… Everything else may just take time to sort out.
Thanks for listening to me not singing.
Thanks to all that inspired me in the past… With special shout outs to Marie Celso, Alex Varden, Jim Rio, Todd Sherry, and Pat Whiteman.
– Quiche Out
One of the videos I watched: https://youtu.be/Swp1Z55hQFc