Fail… Cray Cray Audition Tape

SportsDome Audition TapeI may have posted about this in the past, but I just uploaded this particular video to YouTube…

It’s a video audition that my (former) agents told me they submitted (years ago) for one of the leads on The Onion’s, SportsDome

With some auditions ya get the part, with some auditions, you don’t… This is just one of the many parts I didn’t get.

These are some I got…

Since the show has already been aired and cancelled, I figured no harm or foul in posting this. It’s their script. By their writers. They own it.

Honestly, what has always shocked me was that no one ever made a comment or reply about the submission. Not my agents (long since not my agents). Not the producers of the show. Not casting. Not the writers. No one. I would have thought I would have gotten a… “Wow” or “That was cray cray” or even a “Thanks for having fun with it.” But nothing…

SportsDome Audition 002Yes, in retrospect, I probably should have just focused on the one character I was auditioning for, as no doubt my “acting” suffered a bit in trying to accomplish all the technical things usually handled by a crew of experienced people, but…  BTW some of what is in this video, like the background face-painted fan, wasn’t even in the script… I just added levels of funny, for fun.

I learned so much in doing this exercise.  A cast & crew of one.

How I did it… I recorded all the audio voices, played them back and interacted with them, listening to the audio conversation in my ear… It was made more challenging by avoiding any cuts and choosing to interact with myself, not to mention doing it all in my bedroom, with halogen work lights, outside noises, and no AC.

It was a great project to challenge myself, and above all it was incredibly creative and actually FUN!

Who knows, maybe, some day I’ll learn to be “safer,” more predictable, sanitized, and that dreaded word, “normal,” but some times, I just got to be me.

– Quiche Out

For some reason WordPress and YouTube aren’t playing nice together… Here’s the link.

From Wikipedia: “Onion SportsDome is a parody sports television show from the makers of The Onion.[1] The show premiered on Tuesday, January 11, 2011, at 10:30 p.m. EST on Comedy Central in the United States.[2][3][4] It is seen in Canada on The Comedy Network.[5]  The show is designed as a parody of SportsCenter and ESPN.[6] Matt Walton and Matt Oberg play the co-anchors Alex Reiser and Mark Shepard, respectively.[4][7] Melissa “Wellsy” Wells is portrayed by real-life sportscaster Danyelle Sargent. Gary Payton and Ahmad Bradshaw appeared on the show.[8]  On April 4, 2011, USA Today reported the show, having completed its original 10-episode runs, was on hiatus and replaced in the time-slot by Sports Show with Norm Macdonald. [9] On June 20, 2011, Deadline Hollywood confirmed that Comedy Central cancelled both SportsDome and Sports Show with Norm MacDonald.[10]”

DOMA is Dead…

Friend’s Birthday Party – 2013

Today, the Defense of Marriage Act, the law barring the federal government from recognizing same-sex marriages legalized by the states, was ruled unconstitutional, by The Supreme Court Wednesday (a 5-4 vote).

I’m not going to honk a horn, celebrating, but I do believe this was the correct decision for a government that is supposedly built on the separation of church and state… The decision has absolutely nothing to do with me, and I believe it is just, in a country that declares, “all men are created equal…”

I hesitated to write this post out of fear of people misunderstanding what I’m about to write… Or by chance, writing something that someone will misinterpret…

Several years ago I started singing on stage, at open mics, around the city of Los Angeles, I had, about a year earlier, started singing again, after stopping for more than a decade (that’s its own story)… A good friend, Todd, who has only become a better friend since then, convinced me to literally get out of my closet and sing live at an open mic where he, and friends of his, performed regularly……

Okay, if you don’t know, now would be a good time for me to mention that I do a web series called Closet Singer (, which, for the record, has nothing to do with anything but singing in a closet (alone or with guests).

The first Monday night I showed up I didn’t bring any sheet music or even consider getting on stage, as I was too freaked by unknowns… “What would the stage be like? The audience? The lights? The other singers?” I had never been to an open mic before, I was new to singing with a microphone, and the idea of singing with a pianist who I didn’t know, and who didn’t know the music I was singing… Well… It wasn’t a comfortable feeling at all, and all these questions ran through my head in an effort to protect myself.

The night was fun, and after being persuaded by my friend and others I met, I showed up the next Monday night and sang Ol’ Man River.

Eventually I fell into fellowship with that small community… Singers and musicians of all heights, weights, colors, orientations, talents, ethnicities, skills… Several of the people I rubbed elbows with became friends, and several invited me to other open mics around town… And, many of which were in “gay bars” around town, establishments that I had never considered entering in my past…

Ignorantly, my mind’s image of all gay bars was, “The Blue Oyster” out of the movie Police Academy, and this portrayal was only further cemented when I had personally seen men, in literally tighty-whitey underwear, or in black leather chaps, walking into various bars, throughout my time both in LA and NYC…  So, I had a semi-frightening mental image (to me) of what these bars were…

Of course, my mistake was in thinking that all bars that catered to a homosexual crowd were all the same. So, for the record, let’s be honest, there are all sorts of “straight bars” too that I don’t patronize because the stuff that’s going on in them is just way too weird, uncomfortable or freaky for me… Sadomasochism clubs… Raves… Drug fests… Swinger events… There is zany craziness on all levels for all orientations, and how any of us personally feel about any of them is our own business.

Anyway, after months of singing at one particular open mic, a pianist, Greg, invited me to a gay bar to sing on the nights that he played the piano there… And while it took me months to get over my preconceived notions of what I’d find behind the doors… I found that that this particular joint was pretty much just like any other neighborhood bar… There were men and women (homosexual & hetro), dressed like they would be dressed in just about any other neighbor bar, and they were either talking with each other, watching television, drinking, or listening to Greg at the piano and the singers he called up to the mic…

Each and every bar, however deemed or defined, that I’ve been invited to sing at, I’ve had to battle some of the same internal voices and concerns… My mind always makes an uninformed list of questions, in a pathetic attempt to protect myself from whatever might be inside. In South Florida, while I was there for a television shoot (The Glades), I challenged these internal voices by going into a piano bar that I had no connection with, no history with, no knowledge of, and singing with a pianist who I only met that night…  Turned out it was mostly a bar that catered to a mostly Italian, Miami & Garfield New Jersey crowd (that’s yet another story).

Look, being in my 40s, I’m very secure in both my masculinity and my “straightness…” While I’m not crazy about being flirted with by men, it doesn’t tempt or hurt me… I imagine it’s just like a woman flirting with a homosexual man, or like you being flirted with by someone you’re not into hurts or tempts you in any way. I haven’t been concerned with other people’s sexual orientations, practices and lifestyles since my late twenties, when I did three months of summer stock in New Hampshire, and I was one of very few straight men there. There, I learned that what people do, whom they find attractive, or with whom they fall in love with, has absolutely nothing to do with me, and it really is none of my concern if it’s between consensual adults. And while I would never tell you how you should feel, what you should believe in, which establishments you should go to… I also don’t care what your own personal religion believes about the subject… I simply defer back to how in America, we as a society have collectively agreed to, EQUAL RIGHTS…

Anyway, so what does my singing, gay bars, equal rights, and the Supreme Court’s ruling have to do with each other?

A few weeks ago I was honored to be invited to a birthday party, thrown by one friend for his husband (another friend of mine)… Yes, you read that right… “his husband.” Trust me, those words next to each other took a little while to get used to, and it still seem odd to me in juxtaposition, but regardless, my two friends didn’t need anyone’s blessing (including the governments), and have been together for nearly two decades.

Whether you BEEP your horn to cheer the court’s DOMA ruling or grit your teeth as you shake your fist in anger to the sky… I’m simply writing this post for one reason…


I have been walking around on this planet for four-plus decades and I have had the privilege of seeing LOVE between people over and over… Love at weddings. Love at funerals. Love within families. Parental love. Love from friends. Love between spouses. Brotherly love. Sibling love. Love from accomplishing something. Love of live. Love at a birthday party. Love. LOVE. LOVE.

While I may never be completely comfortable in the presence of two men showing simple physical affection towards each other… I do realize that my own issues are my own issues, and I’m okay with the fact I’ve never seen “Brokeback Mountain.” Just like I’ve never wanted to watch “Made Of Honor.”

Love is really a simple concept… Love is really something awe-inspiring and amazing to witness. In that theater that night, at that birthday party, there was love… From many friends and between my two friends. It is no wonder why so many songs, books, poems, plays, stories, and movies are written and sang about exactly that. LOVE. The audience roots for LOVE, and often on stage and film, the villains are those that do everything they can to prevent LOVE.


Know that I’m not a champion for gay rights, minority rights, white male rights, women’s rights, or any group’s rights… I’m a champion for everyone’s rights… EQUAL (AMERICAN) HUMAN RIGHTS…

…And love.

Love really is something. And, whomever or whatever, as one song puts it, I Wish You Love

And if you’re one that believes it’s a choice… Let me write, knowing how challenging it is for many kids to grow up knowing they aren’t “typical” or “straight,” how could anyone believe it’s a choice any of them made?

A funny exchange happened a few weeks ago at a gay bar I had sang at… I came off the stage after singing, and a gentleman I didn’t know and I assume who didn’t know my sexual orientation said to me, as I walked by him… “You’re really butch.”

The statement kinda took me by surprise, and an odd look must of crossed over my face as I stumbled to utter the simple word… “Thanks.”

As I continued back to my friends and bar stool, he continued, fearing he may have offended me, “I meant that as a compliment…”

But being one who has trouble restraining a funny comment from time to time, I answered back, with a joking half-smile, “It’s not a choice man.”

He didn’t get it, but my friends did.

– Quiche Out

BTW, though I sing in public more these days, I still do Closet Singer videos from time to time. Feel free to check out the latest, posted just this week.

Stripped Closet

Screen shot 2013-06-24 at 5.30.26 PMHad the day free, stripped the closet bare, and jumped in…

While I’m not sure if it’s a keeper or not yet… I offer this… Stripped down bare.

Go ahead and watch.

And if you’re on Vine, I also posted a six second vine before I “set up” for today’s shoot. Now I have to put my place back together.

Let me know what you think of the video…

– Quiche Out

Television And A World Of Suck

Television is for other people… That isn’t to say I don’t enjoy it, watch it or have one…  But generally, I need to consider TV a medium for other people to enjoy, even though I (thankfully) make the majority of my income from working on it…

For those that know me well, you know I live a life that forces me to creatively motivate myself. While I am incredibly grateful for this freedom, and it’s a wonderful thing for an actor/writer/artist to have… It’s also a daily daunting responsibility, and a complete challenge in a world filled with suck… The Internet, phone, social media, and television suck. Television sucks.

Now, while there is certainly more embarrassing (to the human race) horrible stink-crap piped through the sewer lines to our boob-tubes every day, there also is more brilliant TV being made as well… So, when I write “Television sucks,” I don’t mean it sucks some sort of donkey dong, I mean it sucks time. Which for many is a good way to relax or distract or to escape…

However, for me, I’m not forced to write blogs, newsletters, novels or screenplays… No one asks me to rehearse or work on music… No one pushes me into my closet to make a new Closet Singers… I don’t receive payment when I produce short films or head to an open mic to sharpen my onstage skills… And not once has a camera been muscled into my hand to take photos of landscapes… The truth is, I could stop creating tomorrow, or just disappear for days on end without anyone even raising an eyebrow.

Last weekend I did just that. I didn’t create much of my own and I mostly disappeared.

Even though it had be recommended to me for months, I had prolonged watching GAME OF THRONES, knowing that it would hook me like BREAKING BAD, THE WALKING DEAD, THE WIRE, ROME, BOARDWALK EMPIRE, HOMELAND and other quality made for television shows that I have devoured in my past… In a way I’m a television producer’s worst nightmare, I don’t like to start shows until they have a body of quality work behind them…  I am not a “tune in next week” kind of guy, as I’d rather know what sort of time commitment I’m in for, for the entire series, and then sit down and knock it out. The time between episodes, or seasons sucks even more time from my constructive creativity, as it uses parts of my brain that I’d rather have free for my own creative endeavors. I often imagine where story arcs are heading, what may happen to characters, and plot lines.

Last weekend, I watched 30 hours of GAME OF THRONES… Yes, three seasons in three days. And then for the next few days I walked around wondering how my life might be different with a sword at my side in a world without gun powder… Which character I would most likely be like, how would I react in the various situations presented to each character, and what strategic mistakes each one made.

Anyway, no TV for me this weekend, and now on to my next self-motivated project, with the hopes that some day, in the future, more will read/watch/listen/buy and greater income and comfort will follow…

How do you self-motivate?

– Quiche Out

Fun Today – Bed Head

bed head cropYesterday’s post seemed to make a few people nervous, and I was touched that several friends reached out with concern to check in on me…

As I assured them, all was good in the land and heart of Quiche, as realizations are always very positive…

Anyway, to clear the palate I decided that today I’d do something little more fun…

This past week a friend told me about some new app for the iPhone where people make six second videos…

Don’t ask me… I’ve no idea why… More ways to entertain the masses for FREE… However, in six months, I’m sure the app creator and marketing team will make hundreds of millions by selling it to some conglomerate.

Anyway, while I had no idea at the time if I’d ever do one of these silly time wasters… A collection of “bed head” shots I took when my hair was longer, seemed like a fun 6 second video to assemble and post this AM.

And yes, I took the pictures, over a few months time, on a suggestion, and while it seemed odd at the time… Now, with very short hair, because of a commercial I recently shot, I’m glad I did…

– Quiche out

Sorry, apparently this FREE site, that I’m sure has already sold for millions, won’t seem to let me embed the video… CLICK HERE if you want to see the silly 6 second video… And it will magically appear in a new window!

If the truth is supposed to set you free, why the F*** do I feel like vomiting and crying like a baby?

Screen shot 2013-06-17 at 8.34.50 AMI want to publicly thank Janet S. Blake, one of the producers of Spark Off Rose™, who is helping me shape a non-fictional story for my first night of storytelling on stage (Details in last newsletter)… Her notes and her persistence for me to challenge myself, dig deeper, avoid tangents, being cleaver, and comic spins, has truly caused me to feel sick to my stomach, and give me the desire to blast Carmina Burna, head back to bed and go fetal this morning.

And the only reason I’m writing this blog, with my guts and fingers trembling, is to try face those feelings, and not succumb to them or ignore them… Or perhaps, a more constructive and noble reason, to inspire you to dig deeper with truth in your work.

I don’t know if the current 1367 words of this story will remain the same, but in rewriting the story (5th time), honestly my least favorite of the four I submitted to her… In stripping away the extraneous, the poetic, the jokes, in making a phone call to my parents to use their recollections of my childhood, in connecting dots that have always been there…

This morning, a realization hit me in the guts like a baseball bat.

I’m not going to tell you what it was at this point, or promise that my story will remain the same, or how this perceived revelation may set me free in the future… I only know that right now, as I breath deeply, avoiding stuffing my face with food…

While thankful artistically, Janet’s relentless challenge of my four previous drafts, just may turn out to be an important step in a happier future.

Thanks again Janet…

Go deeper.

– Quiche Out