…Needs To Be A Constant Continual Reminder
Perhaps I post too frequently for you to read them all, and/or for them all to be great blogs postings, and/or they’re all about similar topics, but as I’ve promised myself and my craft to write a little every day, when I’m not punching the keys for a specific project, this site is often the lucky recipient of my writing time.
Last night a waitress I had not previously met noticed me as I was sitting at the bar writing. With a playful tone and sweet smile the cutie dressed in black flirtatiously asked if I was writing a poem for her.
“Give me a few minutes and maybe I will,” I answered back rather flatly.
A few minutes later I asked the bartender for a piece of paper, and jotted down a second draft of something that I had just scribbled in my journal.
While it was probably not at all what she was expecting, nor was she most likely expecting anything, I handed the 4 X 4 inch scrap to her on one of her many passes from her seated tables, to the bar.
She never said more than “thank you,” about it… And if she did I can’t tell you what it would have been. I’m not sure she ever read it, or if it just didn’t end up soaked and stained with bused calamari sauce and raspberry martinis inside a kitchen trashcan.
The important thing wasn’t her reading it, it wasn’t her praising it, loving it, or hating it… The important thing for me was writing it. And though I don’t have that draft, it doesn’t at all matter (not that it was anything much of anything)… The doing is what should matter. The pleasure from doing. Not the reaction of an audience of one.
This week I had coffee with a lovely lass, someone I had wanted to meet up with socially for a while now… To find out more about her, face to face…
When she told me about the long-term boyfriend she happily lives with, while it would have been very easy to be disappointed, it really didn’t matter… It didn’t change anything. She and I continued to be the same people, we continued to share, to laugh, the coffee shop stayed open, and the Earth remained on it’s axis…
Perhaps we become the best of friends, perhaps the next time we see each other in passing we smile that much deeper, perhaps the time with her today inspired this blog, and this blog inspires some talent in you, and you write the Great American Novel that brings the entire world to complete peace. Or perhaps… I become best friends with someone in her life, through her, and that person and I build a space ship that travels to another galaxy… It really doesn’t at all matter.
Once again, for me, the most important thing was the asking, and then enjoying the conversation and the moment. Though I guess one could crassly joke, “Yo, I thought you said, ‘it was the doing,’ and apparently you ain’t gonna be doin’ it with her.”
Nothing could prove the importance of the happiness of doing, and letting go of results, better than this past week when I recorded a Closet Singer for the first time in almost six months. (First written about in Neil & Me posted on Feb 17th, 2012)
I went into my closet to play, to sing, to work on my recording skills, to do a dry run of the recording programs and all the set up that goes into it.
When I then recorded the song, it again was just for fun, because what I was hearing was giving me pleasure…
When I decided to share the vocals with others, because sharing it would give me pleasure, I came up with the concept for the video on the spot which was enjoyable, and then it was all just fun to execute the filming.
Editing too filled my night with a warm feeling and smile, as it’s an activity that I really enjoy.
And all of a sudden things changed. All of a sudden not enough people were watching it. Not enough people mentioned anything about it. No one was forwarding it. Questions started coming up in my head… Voices of doubt. Voices on insecurity. Feelings… And not happy positive ones. Why weren’t people clicking on it? Why did I waste my night working on it? What was the point of recording it?
Why was I not getting any pleasure from it any longer?
Because I forgot the simple rule…
It doesn’t matter if it ends up stained with french fry grease unread, unwatched, under-appreciated, unsold, if she has a boyfriend, girlfriend, if 10 people watch it or 2,000,000,000…
I should not let any of that stain the happiness that I had in creating, recording, rehearsing, asking, shooting, singing, filming, editing, communicating, flirting… or WHATEVER!
Because when I do I get in trouble, it shuts me down, I start judging, questioning, feeling crappy, it gives me a rash of feelings that are so far from happiness… And when I do, it’s the biggest mistake I can make.
Perhaps that’s why so many don’t share what they write, or draw or sing… Because they don’t want to be shut down, because they don’t want those feelings, those internal conversations…
– Quiche Out